Comedy is a wide-ranged and somewhat brittle mistress, its just a fact. Traditional comedy requires a joke build up and build up to a punch-line, and with the right amount of build-up and a decent punch-line that doesn’t linger you get a nice laugh. Of course, punch-line are not always required, as seen with shows like Monty Python’s Flying Circus. Jokes can also be hard to sustain, which is one reason why laugh tracks and audience laughter is recorded as it helps people find where the punch-lines are supposed to be. In case I haven’t spelt it out, comedy is complex, and we’re all entitled to our opinions on it. However, there’s nothing funny about the works of Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg. After exiting Date Movie, which was writen and directed by them, I had only one thought: bucket.

Seltzer and Friedberg first appeared in 1996 when they helped write Spy Hard, a film known for being quite weak in the humor department and poorly executed in spite of Leslie Neilsen and Weird Al being involved. Next came Scary Movie, which once again they only helped write. If I felt like being a jerk I’d claim every weak joke in the movie was their fault but the movie was so-so anyhow and you can’t blame 2 out of the 5 writers for it all by themselves. Date Movie, Epic Movie and Meet the Spartans, however, you can.

A few of my friends talked me into seeing Date Movie, and I ended up leaving wishing they’d paid me to watch it. In spite of a few talented comedic talents appearing in the film it still easily earned a place on the list of the worst movies ever. Epic Movie had the same problem, lacking actual jokes or ones that were horribly executed as well as gross-out humor that not even the South Park guys would laugh at. I haven’t seen Meet the Spartans but online reviews seem to indicate it has a similar problem as the previous efforts.

So lets recap. Seltzer and Friedberg have worked on five movies as writers as well as three as directors and have a forth movie, yes a forth movie, which is supposedly going to be a spoof of disaster flicks as its called Disaster Movie. In spite of it all the film’s trailer indicates heavy pop culture references including Iron Man, the Incredible Hulk, Hannah Montana (bucket!), and High School Musical. That right there is a big problem as if you’re going to a spoof try to narrow your scope. The pair’s efforts seem better suited for crude sketch comedy shows than movies as they effectively go, “Hey, this is current. Lets have them show up and then have something weird happen to these current pop culture icons.” This included randomly murdering Paris Hilton and having a bad Owen Wilson impersonator ‘crash’ a wedding.

Just to emphasize how little these people can contribute by a trip I made to Wal-Mart a few weeks ago. A poster was put-up for Meet the Spartans and I asked a random person working there if promoting a bad film was a good idea. Low and behold two days later the poster was gone, not replaced mind you just gone. I can only hope such negative press will make Disaster Movie their last.

~ From Canada, I’m Busterman Zero. Good luck to you, and I recommend avoiding any film in the coming years that has the word Movie in the title.


If you guessed Sean Penn you’d be right!

Yes, the world’s Most Angry Man has decided to lower the boom on any film in the Cannes Film Festival that isn’t “political”. Well, to be more accurate, he means any film that doesn’t align itself with HIS own personal views cannot be considered for the Festival’s top prize.

Penn said it was impossible to separate film from politics, and promised that the winning film would be a reflection of the current climate.

“One way or another, when we select the Palme d’Or winner, I think we are going to feel very confident that the film-maker who made the film is very aware of the times in which he or she lives.”

Woo….guess all that time spent with his bed-buddy Hugo Chavez rubbed off on him. Meh, what a giant douchebag. Found the movie link! I’m sure this is the type of movies that he is talking about films that are eligible for the big prize.

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I could not have wrote this out better myself.

You see, Bmac found an article that talks about how big celebrities were experiencing falling numbers in the industry because the general public doesn’t seem to hold much interest in their projects anymore. The reason why? because of all of the interference by these Hollywood news outlets and paparazzi that constantly capture EVERY. FREAKING. MOMENT of these stars lives.

They are “De-mystified” in other words.

And that is pretty much true. Bmac uses a great example:

Led Zeppelin used to have final approval on EVERY photo of them that was ever used. If a magazine published an un-approved photo that didn’t meet “Hammer Of The Gods” standards, that magazine never got to speak to Led Zeppelin ever again. They almost never gave interviews. Music journalists were granted very limited access to them. Led Zeppelin treated the press like the useful idiots they are. No one knew their opinion about politics or the environment. They understood the power of Mystique, and that holds up for them to this day.

Your damn right it does. I remember when people didn’t have access to the intricate details of their favorite actors/actresses/musicians/authors and the only way to experience these “remarkable” people was to pick up one of their books, or go to the theaters to watch their movies, or buy one of their tapes or CD’s. I used quotations on remarkable because now, with all of the ever watchful eye of the prying media, you can easily learn that these people aren’t remarkable at all, and for the most part you find out that they are just self-indulgent pricks who have no social skills and way to many drug habits.

When you reveal things for what they are….the magic of what you thought they were disappears.

It happens with every new star (and some of the old ones) these days. Like Pitt and Jolie for example: Once they were THE two hottest stars in Hollywood and women swooned over Brad while Men drooled over Angelina. However, now, since we know EVERYTHING about them we find that they are pretty much gigantic liberal douchebags who like to adopt 40 million kids and complain about the government and Wal-mart.

Magic is gone people.

Same goes for Music, and Books.

Like Stephen Kings latest tirade: totally ruined his works for me. When he was just this guy who was writing horror novels that I loved he was awesome. Now I just see some over-opinionated prick who thinks his thoughts are far more important and worth-defending than anyone else. Because we are now privy to all of the inner workings of our favorite stars….they no longer become stars anymore.

The information that we are privy to now? It’s almost like we are being forced to be stalkers by TMZ, Access Hollywood, E!, and the tabloids. We know too much and now the “mystique” is gone.

Possibly gone forever.