Fail


Comedy is a wide-ranged and somewhat brittle mistress, its just a fact. Traditional comedy requires a joke build up and build up to a punch-line, and with the right amount of build-up and a decent punch-line that doesn’t linger you get a nice laugh. Of course, punch-line are not always required, as seen with shows like Monty Python’s Flying Circus. Jokes can also be hard to sustain, which is one reason why laugh tracks and audience laughter is recorded as it helps people find where the punch-lines are supposed to be. In case I haven’t spelt it out, comedy is complex, and we’re all entitled to our opinions on it. However, there’s nothing funny about the works of Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg. After exiting Date Movie, which was writen and directed by them, I had only one thought: bucket.

Seltzer and Friedberg first appeared in 1996 when they helped write Spy Hard, a film known for being quite weak in the humor department and poorly executed in spite of Leslie Neilsen and Weird Al being involved. Next came Scary Movie, which once again they only helped write. If I felt like being a jerk I’d claim every weak joke in the movie was their fault but the movie was so-so anyhow and you can’t blame 2 out of the 5 writers for it all by themselves. Date Movie, Epic Movie and Meet the Spartans, however, you can.

A few of my friends talked me into seeing Date Movie, and I ended up leaving wishing they’d paid me to watch it. In spite of a few talented comedic talents appearing in the film it still easily earned a place on the list of the worst movies ever. Epic Movie had the same problem, lacking actual jokes or ones that were horribly executed as well as gross-out humor that not even the South Park guys would laugh at. I haven’t seen Meet the Spartans but online reviews seem to indicate it has a similar problem as the previous efforts.

So lets recap. Seltzer and Friedberg have worked on five movies as writers as well as three as directors and have a forth movie, yes a forth movie, which is supposedly going to be a spoof of disaster flicks as its called Disaster Movie. In spite of it all the film’s trailer indicates heavy pop culture references including Iron Man, the Incredible Hulk, Hannah Montana (bucket!), and High School Musical. That right there is a big problem as if you’re going to a spoof try to narrow your scope. The pair’s efforts seem better suited for crude sketch comedy shows than movies as they effectively go, “Hey, this is current. Lets have them show up and then have something weird happen to these current pop culture icons.” This included randomly murdering Paris Hilton and having a bad Owen Wilson impersonator ‘crash’ a wedding.

Just to emphasize how little these people can contribute by a trip I made to Wal-Mart a few weeks ago. A poster was put-up for Meet the Spartans and I asked a random person working there if promoting a bad film was a good idea. Low and behold two days later the poster was gone, not replaced mind you just gone. I can only hope such negative press will make Disaster Movie their last.

~ From Canada, I’m Busterman Zero. Good luck to you, and I recommend avoiding any film in the coming years that has the word Movie in the title.

Yeah, I don’t dig a lot of Microsoft’s bogus crap either, but egging a CEO during a class speech?Kinda awesome and yet really childish at the same time. So, let’s break this down a bit.

Having the stones to Egg a CEO? – Kinda awesome

Wearing a “Microsoft = Corruption” home-made button up shirt? – FAIL.

Vodpod videos no longer available. from www.n4g.com posted with vodpod

Apparently so.

“My Husbands fallen and I can’t get his fat carcass off of me!”

A newspaper carrier checking the couple’s well-being found the woman in her Marion, Ill., home on April 27. She was trapped by the body of Fred Roberts after he suffered a heart attack four days earlier. He fell onto his wife, pinning one of her legs. She was unable to wriggle free

Ok, well, this failure wasn’t really due to anything anyone actually did, but more or less it was an “accidental” fail.

It’s been a slow fail day. Deal with it.

Sometimes when searching Youtube I come across something really ridiculous and just overall retarded and/or funny.

This falls within the retarded category.

[Youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0v4z_VgBs8]

Терпеть неудачу!!!!

Oh, by the way, I’m trying to learn Russian. So, you may see random phrases pop up on here from time to time (I wont post long sentences or paragraphs) because I’m practicing.

Anyways, Enjoy….or dont.

As so eloquently put by the master himself.

No, I won’t take parts of Rush’s article and quote it for your convenience, so I suggest you get to clicking that link up there and reading it. That is, of course, if you don’t already listen to the show for some weird reason.

Rush does bring up an interesting point though. He goes in to explain that he notices that the only country to ever be blamed for Global Warming is the United States of America, and he would be 100% correct on that one. China, India, Russia, The entire Middle East (with their constant production of that stuff that the left thinks is so damned evil…what was it? oh yeah, Oil.) Venezuela, and pretty much the entire world gets a pass on the whole carbon emissions thing. However, when you throw America in to the mix the world is apparently in danger from the SCARY GREEN-HOUSE GASES.

Dun dun dun!

The reason? Well, it’s just as Rush says: Capitalism. The rest of the world, some 40 odd years ago, switched in to a socialist mind-set and it quickly spread to the rest of the world and then leaked in to America. Europe, Asia, South America and beyond all gobbled up this ridiculous mantra and their economic progresses have been abyssmal at best. However, here America sits, still fighting off Socialism and Communism that threatens to infect our governments even further and because of our past struggles to keep Capitalism alive we have progressed much farther than any other country in the world. Ok, Japan is awesome and really high-tech but until I get my giant robots I refuse to concede defeat in progress to them.

Radical Environmentalism is a direct opponent to anything remotely similar in function to a Capitalist society. Why? because Capitalism succeeds and flourishes where there is limited government regulation (read: oppressive federal control). Environmentalism needs the government to stretch it’s powers further because the enviro-assholes believe that people must be forced to change their lifestyles and live a certain way instead of letting people live freely and without restraint.

Just look at what the Green-Peace nuts and the environmentalist dorks have done to our economy already! A gallon of gas is $3.70 right now and the price of crude oil per barrel is (last time I checked) something over $130.00. Wanna know why? because America is being constrained in it’s very own homeland by the constant over-reaching of the federal government and the restrictions on drilling and refinery production placed in this country. All in the name of saving a few Polar bears or Caribou.

What is it? 80% of our oil is imported from other countries? Why? Well, because of the constant restrictions placed upon us by interfering special interests groups that don’t understand how the economy works or deliberately hinders it.

However, and this is the saddening part, there isn’t a candidate running now that wants to stand up and protect Capitalism or Energy independence. No, they want to continue to pander to the environmental groups and “save the planet even though the planet doesn’t really need saving and never has”.

Ugh..

Anyways, If I keep typing I’ll just be repeating myself over and over so I’ll just leave you with Rush’s link and My thoughts.

I saw this on Ace and I’m giving credit to Portly Pirate.

Seriously, how much more insane and effin’ retarded is this “Going Green and Save The Planet” fad going to get? Because, honestly, that IS what this is. A ridiculously retarded and very expensive fad.

So, what has the dumb-asses on the Environmentalist side come up with today?

Solar-Powered Bras.

Ladies, take your battle for the environment a little closer to your heart with a solar-powered bra that can generate enough electric energy to charge a mobile phone or an iPod.

Ok? I’m sure somebody somewhere though that this might be a good idea, but, and I really wish I could be the one to tell them, it really isn’t a good idea at all.

The panel requires light to generate electricity and the concept bra will not be in stores anytime soon, said Triumph spokeswoman Yoshiko Masuda, as “people usually can not go outside without wearing clothes over it.”

But it does send the message of how lingerie could possibly save the planet, Masuda said, adding that the bra should not be washed or sunned on a rainy day to avoid damaging it.

Lingerie? Save the Planet? Apparently the designer has suffered some kind of stroke and needs medical attention.

Sometimes, though, I do wish I could live in the seemingly endless bliss of mindless existence that these people happen to be in. Seriously, ignorance must truly be bliss, for you can’t buy a ticket to where these folks have gone.

What was that?

Since when was that an appropriate belief for the Church?

The Rev. Jose Gabriel Funes, the Jesuit director of the Vatican Observatory, said that the vastness of the universe means it is possible there could be other forms of life outside Earth, even intelligent ones.

In an interview published Tuesday by Vatican newspaper L’Osservatore Romano, Funes said that such a notion “doesn’t contradict our faith” because aliens would still be God’s creatures.

Uh…ok. Granted, I believe that there is more to God, Heaven, The Angels, and The Universe than what is mentioned in The Holy Bible but considering that we were made in God’s Image and are only a bit lesser than the Angels I think (and scientists will cringe at this) that we are pretty much the pinnacle of intelligence in the universe.

I mean, I could be wrong, but considering that there is no real evidence to support the existence of Aliens in the Universe (Sorry, midnight abduction stories/drunken stupors through town from billy bob jessup don’t count) I think that the Vatican is pretty much just doing whatever they want now.

Also, When did the Vatican get an Astronomer?

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